About to Turn 31 Thoughts

As I am nearing my 31^st year around the sun, I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on the past year and what I have experienced as a 30-year old. This past year has been filled with positive experiences for sure, but I’ve honestly had a difficult time for the majority. When I think back to being age 29, that was one of the best years of my life so far. I traveled to Iceland, made a best friend in my Thai exchange student, New, still had both my grandma’s, was volunteering often and felt overall good. Age 30 meant saying goodbye to New and not knowing when I would get to see her again, completing my first year without both of my grandma’s who meant (and still mean) the world to me, one of the hardest winters mentally, and struggling to get back to a baseline of being happy and fulfilled again. I’ll be honest, this past year has been tough. After New left, I initially went back into a good routine, but after some time wore off, I have felt very lonely. With winter and the ridiculous cold and blizzards, I was a homebody most of the time, and have been finding it difficult to get out of that winter mindset. As mentioned previously, what you see on Instagram and facebook is usually the best of what people are experiencing. I am an open book, very honest and forthcoming about my life and how I am feeling. The past few months I’ve struggled with the comparison problem. Many of my friends have gotten married, bought houses, gotten pregnant, had kids, etc. I’m not sure which of those things is for me, if any. I rent my house, am not seeing anyone, don’t have kids, etc. I constantly feel that I am different from everyone, family and friends. I’ve had people ask me if I am even interested in dating because I’m not married. First off, super inappropriate question. Second, just because I am not doing what “you” are doing, doesn’t mean I am not doing what is best for me. People are usually not that interested in dating me, so there is also that. So please think before you speak and judge someone because their life doesn’t look like your own. It can have a really detrimental effect on someone’s thoughts about how they live their life. I’m generally happy with how I lead my life, but for some reason have felt down lately. I’m sure a therapist is in my future, and there is no shame in tending to your mental health, so I will welcome that step with open arms. I’m really just writing this to say I have a lot of great things going on in my life but still get lonely and sad sometimes. I might end up being an Aunt for life and not have my own kids, or maybe I will. Any option is ok and I think I need to get this out there to remind myself that it IS ok. Also I am thankful for my friends that include me in their life even if I don’t have a significant other to “double-date” or a kid to bring to a “play-date”. You have no idea how much it means to me to not be excluded from things just because I am not in the same life-stage as you. I also have the greatest family that lets me be the goofy, fun Aunt and love on their kids like crazy. As I close this 30^th year of my life, I can only hope that I make the world a better place at age 31 and make decisions that will positively impact those around me and those across the globe. Love you all.